Random Musings

Its been over 9months since ive expirenced or written about sub frenzy. And omg am i suffering with it now. I guess its been 9months since the sub/slave in me was enticed, devoured and challanged. I only realized today...as my master ive pleased for the last week or so, left for a month or more, that i am in sub frenzy. Ive known about it, written about it and spoken to people about it, yet i didnt see what it was in myself. My mind will think of nothing else but how and when i get to be his slave again. Thankfully I have some options to satisfy some very real and intense needs...but im smart enough to know that the slave is going to be left wanting. That feeling of being left wanting although having cum lots and physicaly totally satisfiied, has plagued me over the last 9 months. Oh dont get me wrong ive had amazing sexual experiences, ive even had my all time top time with a chick and i was dominant. Ive met amazing people, been used well, cum lots, learnt to deepthroat, ...

Today i understand myself even better...but does it help me. Fuck no. Im toey, bratty even, and thats not who i am. I feel like ive begged him to use me once more before he leaves, no i have begged and been totally bratty about it, spent the last few days pouting that i cant have him amd his cock. I dont like this me. I desperately desire his demands and commands. But now i realize that the connection and chemistry he and i shared is exactly what i crave..i had it once before ( believe me when i say ive lost many many hours looking for it) i enjoyed 8months of regular playdates. Satisfying the absolute need to be 110% myself with ease and comfort. And when this one walked through my door for the most mind blowing amazing sunday i was like a junkie taking that first hit. I want more, more and much more. So now what...i know its possible to have and i want it so bad....i love being so tottaly free and uninhibited...the best version of myself as a whole person. I guess i have to l...

I had spent the afternoon with his wife. Awesome kinky girl sex. My girly side totally satisfied....but now I need good hard cock. Getting ready for him had me again fired up and horny as hell. Not sure how I had cum so much with his wife. I showered and dressed in my sexy little pink dress, stay up stockings, gorgeous silver heals, and no underwear. I was dripping as I did my makeup to look classy and sexy. My body throbbed as I received the message he was on his way to the front door. I was shaking And excited as I took the elevator downstairs to let him up to my room. I love the contrast between the classy look and the downright filthy kinky slut underneath. As I walked towards the the glass doors, i got to see his face as he saw me, and I almost came as I stood there. His first words were 'wow' and I was more than ready to have him all over me. It was impossible to keep our hands off each other in the elevator, his hands running down my back and over my practic...

My expirences one on one with girls has been very limited. In fact before yesterday on twice had I played with another woman without her partner with us. Last time I was in town I'd had the privilege of a playdate with her hubby, she had been unavailable. And wow what fun we'd had. My lead up to a playdate usually consisted of lots of pic sharing, filthy dirty flirting and learning the things I need to know to be a good little toy. This time and with her we really hadn't had much if that at all, so when she messaged me she was on her way up the nerves went into overdrive. I was throbbing, wet and felt so unprepared. Getting ready for her arrival I had asked her hubby what he thought she'd like me to be wearing, I fucking love to please. We had chosen a black corset with black stockings attached to the suspenders. I put on my little black zip up dress. My slutty sexy look. My favorite, and what is like to find waiting for me. Damn, I placed my hand up my dress ...

It was going to be her first time with a girl. Is was my first time attempting to switch. The lead up had been amazing. I had gotten myself and her off on teasing her and telling her what we were going to do with her. Finally the night had arrived. I stand in the apartment dressed in my lingerie and little skirt. I have my 6inch stilettos so she can hear my footsteps when she's brought in blindfolded, by her dom, in a few moments. I've sprayed my favorite perfume, got music playing, and fuck am i nervous as hell. The door opens, and he leads her in. I force myself to walk briskly over to her, my heals clicking loudly on the floor. I reach up and kiss her passionately. Her breath catches and I throb as I place the collar around her neck. Her legs almost give way and her dom has to hold her up, as we both undress her and take in every inch of her amazing body with our eyes, hands and mouths. Her body responded, her legs buckled and the groans of pleasure as we took a nipp...

I am strong but I am soft. I am a survivor but no victim I am real but no better or worse than the next person.  My journey has made to realize many things about life, people, and myself. Here's 3 things on my mind at the moment. First thing is that no matter who, or how, someone does wrong by me, I will not stop being the caring open honest person I am. Second I am worthy of common respect, and I no longer allow myself to be treated with anything less that respect. Humiliate me, degrade me, use me as your fucktoy, but show me decent everyday respect. Thirdly some people are just assholes. It doesn't matter what you do or say...they are just assholes. I aim to leave every person I meet better than when I found them. I don't always succeed. But it's my aim. And it's a aim that I carry in both my vanilla life, and also my kinky life. 

Having only discovered my naturally submissive self recently, i totally believed i was 100% submissive. It is my comfy place, giving over total control is easy for me, it drives me wild, it gets me off to be a good girl, cumslut, and fuck toy. I recognize that the sub in me has always been there. I can look back and see it so clearly and I regret not letting her out when I was younger. So If you have asked me 2 weeks ago, whether there was any part of me that could be dominant you would have heard a "fuck no" out of my mouth with 100% truth and openness. Ask me today and I say "mind blowingly yes" there's a little in there. I started this year out with the goal of being my most authentic self. In some areas I've failed and in others I've exceeded my own expectations of myself. So when I was asked if i could find some dom in me, to give a very sexy sub, her first girl experience...I had to dig deep and challenge myself to find it. Because to have aut...