Addictive

Today i understand myself even better...but does it help me. Fuck no. Im toey, bratty even, and thats not who i am.

I feel like ive begged him to use me once more before he leaves, no i have begged and been totally bratty about it, spent the last few days pouting that i cant have him amd his cock. I dont like this me. I desperately desire his demands and commands.

But now i realize that the connection and chemistry he and i shared is exactly what i crave..i had it once before ( believe me when i say ive lost many many hours looking for it) i enjoyed 8months of regular playdates. Satisfying the absolute need to be 110% myself with ease and comfort. And when this one walked through my door for the most mind blowing amazing sunday i was like a junkie taking that first hit. I want more, more and much more.

So now what...i know its possible to have and i want it so bad....i love being so tottaly free and uninhibited...the best version of myself as a whole person. I guess i have to learn to deal with this side of me, learn to crave with dignity, until i find it again.

I know when i find this in an ongoing circumstance....its gonna be one hell of a ride.


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